I grew up in a family that required I be a survivor. It was rough and I came out of the nest confused about love and who I really was. Trusting others was next to impossible and the few I did eventually rejected me. I decided along the way I needed no one. Asking for help wasn't necessary. I could do life by myself, thank you very much.
I was also raised in a religious denomination based on the debit and credit system. If you were indebted to God you did good stuff to break even or add a little to your account. I never felt I had any credit. I thought I wasn't good enough to get on the plus side. I was always afraid the Big Man would send some of His boys to rough me up for payment. Even though I've been a church goer most of my life, I didn't think God was in love with me.
It's getting better though. It's taken alot to know I'm loved not only by others, but also by Him. I'm starting to get hold of that. Trust is yet a big deal. It's tough but I'm starting to take His hand more often. I'm still fiercely independant and will try to solve life's problems on my own. I'm finding though that things seem to go better when I get Him involved.
8 comments:
Your drawings are like a perfect sentence -- clear; nothing stands in the way of what I see.
Thanks to you both.
Nice story too. I'm sure tons of people feel this way, but it seems to me that having millions for comfort never helps completely, if at all.
I've never had tons of money, but what I had never helped with the inside stuff.
well said, Pierre. I'm on the journey to live in God's love too. It's helpful to hear from a fellow-journeyer.
Thanks for stopping by, Pierre. I love your drawing! It captures exactly how I feel at times -- seeing Jesus but not sure if I'm going to trust Him with everything.
Thanks for sharing your journey.
I neglected to say earlier that the sketch seems to capture perfectly the character (you) that you have described in words. This piece has power, with the words or without.
I really like this drawing...self portrait? so good. And the feelings wrapped within the sketch are powerful. And the words that match the man's face. It is a gift you give in black and white on paper that once was white.
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