Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I grew up in a family that required I be a survivor. It was rough and I came out of the nest confused about love and who I really was. Trusting others was next to impossible and the few I did eventually rejected me. I decided along the way I needed no one. Asking for help wasn't necessary. I could do life by myself, thank you very much.
I was also raised in a religious denomination based on the debit and credit system. If you were indebted to God you did good stuff to break even or add a little to your account. I never felt I had any credit. I thought I wasn't good enough to get on the plus side. I was always afraid the Big Man would send some of His boys to rough me up for payment. Even though I've been a church goer most of my life, I didn't think God was in love with me.
It's getting better though. It's taken alot to know I'm loved not only by others, but also by Him. I'm starting to get hold of that. Trust is yet a big deal. It's tough but I'm starting to take His hand more often. I'm still fiercely independant and will try to solve life's problems on my own. I'm finding though that things seem to go better when I get Him involved.